Maal Hijrah and Changes.

salam kasih dan sayang

peace upon you

If I was the older me,

She would say

Anything that can make me shake my heart

Another words

Emo sengsorang

Thanks Allah

I have learned so much things

Day by day

Handling matters

My attitude

The most important

Girls, ladies, women

Well, feelings and emotions

Made us different from

Boys, gentlemen, men

Right?

I wish

This Hidayati

Who used to cry

Who used to panic

Who used to get mad

At simplest thing

*maybe for me it’s a very major thing

Will last longer

For some people

Hey im not maniac

Im just used to work the way I am

I talk fast

I run my fingers on the keyboard fast

I snap fast

Its not emo

It’s the way I work

Ask them who used to be around me

U ll know

Don’t simply label me

Just because you cannot fit in it

Ok? ;)

You know what

The end is getting nearer

Day by day

In the pitch-dark nights

I would think

Im afraid

We don’t have much time

To settle things as we need to

To do things we need to

Keep moving

Keep doing

keep going

fly as high as you can

bring my heart together

if im not with you

anymore.

Yesterday

I learned something

About you who once I adored so much

And I bet

Those who knows the fact

Will never expect

What you had done to me

And others as well

Aku doakan yang terbaek untuk kau

“moga kita terima takdir Allah dengan gembira

Allah yang jadualkan kita

Allah juga yang gerakkan kita

Dan mengikut jadualnya”

Maaf tu terlalu susah

Yang pasti

I will never forget

Fullstop.

Alfatihah.

To those who made me learned.

aku kuat

insyaallah

alfatihah guru yang dicintai :')

kasih sayang
cinta
senjata akhir zaman
insyaallah

mohon teRASA!

salam kasih dan sayang

peace upon you

hanya dua tiga patah kata pedas

KALAU TERASA

KALAU TERSINDIR

KALAU TERGURIS

SILA BERUBAH

sekian

bergerak di posisi masingmasing

dengan sebaik mungkin

bukan pantang ditegur

bukan pantang orang bertegas

bukan pantang mengkritik

jom berubah

demi CINTA

berkorbanlah

p/s : aku mahu jadi seorang yang ignorant

andai aku salah kerana menekan

biarlah

aku rela

asalakan kami semua tak terbantut kerana kau seorang!

di sebalik MIMPI dan REALiti

salam kasih dan sayang

peace upon you

"O Allah, help the oppressed against the oppressors in all parts of the world.
O Allah, have mercy on the Ummah of Muhammad.
O Allah, bring relief to the Ummah of Muhammad.
O Allah, You are the twister of hearts, make our feet steadfast on the path of truth."

#pray4Egypt #pray4Gaza #pray4Syria #pray4Burma #pray4Muslims

in my dream

i saw a wicked me

the young "me"

my mind was blurred with anger and hatred

towards everything i had faced during  my childhood

until now, i dont like my childhood memories

the teenage "me" and the yesterday "me"

the darkest secret

is here

the burden that can ruin my life

the sins that i had done was played again over and over

since today i lived envision those things

and everyday the burdens seems heavier

there was times where i felt i was too sinful

i was too disgusting

even i felt disgusted with myself

i was too weak

to admit that one day He will show to me

hikmah behind everything that had occurred

or the one still cant understand is me myself

seharusnya

aku berpijak di bumi yang nyata

berpijak di alam realiti

all those in the past 

i must let it go

and continue my life as a brand new person

reflect myself everyday

ask for forgiveness all the time

zikrullah everytime and everywhere

nafi dan ithbat tanamkan dalam-dalam 

dalam jiwa

dalam hati

semoga rohani terus subur dengan cinta

hati aku masih belum bersih

masih ada terlekat keinginan dan kemahuan

terhadap segala yang apa dilakukan

adalah dari aku

bukan dari Tuhanku

ya Allah

ampunkan hamba-MU ini!

susah payah berat

untuk aku pasakkan kaki aku di atas realiti

sungguh aku berharap esok aku akan lupa segalanya

kerana sekarang aku takut

untuk teruskan hidup dengan ke hadapan

aku bimbang dengan 'aku' yang semalam

kembali dan menjadi 'aku' yang esok

nauzubillah!

"Di balik cermin, cermin mimpi

Adalah realiti yang tidak kita sedari

Hanya keyakinan dapat merestui

Hakikat cinta yang sejati"

M. Nasir

aku ingin bercinta dengan Allah

aku ingin bercinta dengan Rasulullah

bukan makhluk yang tidak hakiki

yang melalaikan

amin!

p/s : astaghfirullah..ya Allah ampunkan aku :'(

the weak me

salam kasih dan sayang

peace upon you

i felt miserable

seriously i hate this kind of feeling

but then

who am i to feel like this

the feeling that you felt

when nobody talk to you

nobody ask you

nobody bother about you

when you are ill

when you are even hardly can open your eyes

your face turned pale like a corpse

you can hardly walk straight

then 

your friends dont even talk to you

perhaps

they glimpsed once or twice

but no words

oh how weak i am

i wish im not the minority

i wish im not the only one different from them

i makes me felt terribly sick

sick from hatred and anger and jealousy perhaps

sadly...

its not the very first time

:')

aku tahu aku bukan siapa-siapa

hilang aku tidak membekas

tiada aku tak bererti apa-apa

ada aku seolah halimunan

wujud aku kadang tidak dihirau

aku tak mampu nak minta empati

simpati dan kasihan mungkin cukup bagi manusia macam aku

tak tahu bersyukur

ties that binding us now

may get stronger

may get weaker

we make the choice

aku bukan kakak yang baik

juga sahabat yang mengerti

seorang yang jahil

seorang yang 'garang'

seorang yang 'emo'

entah

pada mereka-mereka yang rapat

begitu sekali tanggapannya

kenapa sampai satu ketika mereka yang lain pula yang menghargai

sometimes 

i felt like

i dont have what we call family

the family that i always used to thought i had

is just my imagination

friendship is never about who have known you the longest

its about who came and never left you alone

 when you needed someone the most

aku

masih belum mampu menafikan hak diri

kata aki

mungkin inilah proses yang Allah bagi pada aku

untuk bentuk NAFI dalam diri

alhamdulillah :')

p/s : sometimes you give up on someone not because you dont care anymore,

 but you realize, they dont.

Something that I cant keep anymore... :'(

salam kasih dan sayang

peace upon you

seriously, entry yang menghabiskan airmata aku 

:'(

this year have been tough on me

sometimes i wondered

why and why

astaghfirullah

its Qada' and Qadar

ujian itu tanda cinta Allah

yang kadang-kadang kita susah nak faham

dan belum tercapai dek akal untuk kita faham :')

first

i really had a breakdown

when you chose to be apart

hahaha

*tetiba jadi blog kisah yang tak kesampaian

i know, its for our own good

fasa menjaga hati

afterwards

the one who couldnt go on is me

insyaallah, like what you said

ada jodoh tak ke mana

what we should do from the beginning actually is

semaikan kasih sayang yang sebenar-benarnya

 dalam hati dan dalam diri

cinta Allah dan Rasul

i will always pray for you

even though i know

there is no more

the same 'thing' we once felt

:'(

second

i chose to be with my family

sementara adikberadik yang lain gigih

mencari cinta Allah dan Rasul

melangkah ke medan tarbiyyah

if only you know

it was very devastating for me

i felt guilty

for leaving all of you

aku pun mahu bersama

menghadapi segala apa ujian dan cabaran

i was hoping very hard

that all of you will understand my situation

i too

was fighting

taking care of my mak

until that day...

16th June 2013

mak was gone

forever

al-fatihah 

:'(

quite some days before the day

she kept asking me

"bila balik?"

and i kept answering the same question all over again and again

"kalau mu balik sapa nak jaga mak...takdok orang dah nak jaga mak"

she did showed some signs

but i was blinded not to see all of that

before i go to the bus station

i kissed my mak

and i said

"mak, kita nak balik dah"

she didnt open her eyes

and she said

"mak tak larat dah..belajar la elok-elok"

the next day, when i was already in Penang

she leaved me

she leaved all of us behind

al-fatihah mak....

:'(

third

22nd June 2013

i am a sickly girl

i cant count how many times i fall sick

terribly sick when i was far away from my family

and the one who always take care of me would be 

maksu,paksu,tok and toknek

toknek

generous kind hardworking

and she too

did leave me

al-fatihah toknek

:'(

fourth

aku selalu menjadi orang terkemudian

sumpah aku tak suka!

dulu

masa mak sakit pun begitu

when did i get the news?

when shes already collapsed

last week

wednesday 

3rd July 2013

dua orang adik aku accident

mahu jatuh rasa bila dengar

walaupun biasa-biasa

they still my brothers

sedarah sedaging

maybe im at the wrong side too

i was too busy to call my family

and they took it as small matter

maaf 

:'(

aku bukan tak mahu berkongsi

tapi apa yang aku harap

kadangkala tak sama dengan apa yang aku dapat

i did tell somebody

when i still have somebody who really understand me

but then

it just in my dreams

not even a word...from those i wait for so long

itu yang buat aku kecewa

betul,

Allah Maha Mendengar

dulu

aku seorang pemendam

lalu aku berubah menjadi seorang yang suka berkongsi

kini

entah

...

setelah apa yang aku rasa

kongsi atau tidak, it felt the same.

p/s : i just hope that...im gonna be okay

no more tears accompanying me

airmata pejuang tidak boleh disia-siakan!

sollu 'alan nabiyy!