Monday, November 4, 2013

Maal Hijrah and Changes.

salam kasih dan sayang
peace upon you


If I was the older me,
She would say
Anything that can make me shake my heart
Another words
Emo sengsorang
Thanks Allah
I have learned so much things
Day by day
Handling matters
My attitude
The most important
Girls, ladies, women
Well, feelings and emotions
Made us different from
Boys, gentlemen, men
Right?


I wish
This Hidayati
Who used to cry
Who used to panic
Who used to get mad
At simplest thing
*maybe for me it’s a very major thing
Will last longer


For some people
Hey im not maniac
Im just used to work the way I am
I talk fast
I run my fingers on the keyboard fast
I snap fast
Its not emo
It’s the way I work
Ask them who used to be around me
U ll know
Don’t simply label me
Just because you cannot fit in it
Ok? ;)


You know what
The end is getting nearer
Day by day
In the pitch-dark nights
I would think
Im afraid
We don’t have much time
To settle things as we need to
To do things we need to
Keep moving
Keep doing
keep going
fly as high as you can
bring my heart together
if im not with you
anymore.


Yesterday
I learned something
About you who once I adored so much
And I bet
Those who knows the fact
Will never expect
What you had done to me
And others as well
Aku doakan yang terbaek untuk kau
“moga kita terima takdir Allah dengan gembira
Allah yang jadualkan kita
Allah juga yang gerakkan kita
Dan mengikut jadualnya”
Maaf tu terlalu susah
Yang pasti
I will never forget
Fullstop.



Alfatihah.
To those who made me learned.


aku kuat
insyaallah
alfatihah guru yang dicintai :')




kasih sayang
cinta
senjata akhir zaman
insyaallah



Saturday, September 14, 2013

mohon teRASA!

salam kasih dan sayang
peace upon you

hanya dua tiga patah kata pedas


KALAU TERASA
KALAU TERSINDIR
KALAU TERGURIS
SILA BERUBAH

sekian

bergerak di posisi masingmasing
dengan sebaik mungkin
bukan pantang ditegur
bukan pantang orang bertegas
bukan pantang mengkritik

jom berubah
demi CINTA
berkorbanlah


p/s : aku mahu jadi seorang yang ignorant
andai aku salah kerana menekan
biarlah
aku rela
asalakan kami semua tak terbantut kerana kau seorang!



Sunday, August 18, 2013

di sebalik MIMPI dan REALiti

salam kasih dan sayang
peace upon you

"O Allah, help the oppressed against the oppressors in all parts of the world.
O Allah, have mercy on the Ummah of Muhammad.
O Allah, bring relief to the Ummah of Muhammad.
O Allah, You are the twister of hearts, make our feet steadfast on the path of truth."

#pray4Egypt #pray4Gaza #pray4Syria #pray4Burma #pray4Muslims

in my dream

i saw a wicked me
the young "me"
my mind was blurred with anger and hatred
towards everything i had faced during  my childhood
until now, i dont like my childhood memories
the teenage "me" and the yesterday "me"
the darkest secret
is here
the burden that can ruin my life
the sins that i had done was played again over and over

since today i lived envision those things
and everyday the burdens seems heavier
there was times where i felt i was too sinful
i was too disgusting
even i felt disgusted with myself
i was too weak
to admit that one day He will show to me
hikmah behind everything that had occurred
or the one still cant understand is me myself

seharusnya
aku berpijak di bumi yang nyata
berpijak di alam realiti
all those in the past 
i must let it go
and continue my life as a brand new person
reflect myself everyday
ask for forgiveness all the time
zikrullah everytime and everywhere
nafi dan ithbat tanamkan dalam-dalam 
dalam jiwa
dalam hati
semoga rohani terus subur dengan cinta

hati aku masih belum bersih
masih ada terlekat keinginan dan kemahuan
terhadap segala yang apa dilakukan
adalah dari aku
bukan dari Tuhanku
ya Allah
ampunkan hamba-MU ini!

susah payah berat
untuk aku pasakkan kaki aku di atas realiti
sungguh aku berharap esok aku akan lupa segalanya
kerana sekarang aku takut
untuk teruskan hidup dengan ke hadapan
aku bimbang dengan 'aku' yang semalam
kembali dan menjadi 'aku' yang esok
nauzubillah!

"Di balik cermin, cermin mimpi
Adalah realiti yang tidak kita sedari
Hanya keyakinan dapat merestui
Hakikat cinta yang sejati"
M. Nasir

aku ingin bercinta dengan Allah
aku ingin bercinta dengan Rasulullah
bukan makhluk yang tidak hakiki
yang melalaikan
amin!



p/s : astaghfirullah..ya Allah ampunkan aku :'(



Tuesday, July 30, 2013

the weak me

salam kasih dan sayang
peace upon you

i felt miserable
seriously i hate this kind of feeling
but then
who am i to feel like this

the feeling that you felt
when nobody talk to you
nobody ask you
nobody bother about you
when you are ill
when you are even hardly can open your eyes
your face turned pale like a corpse
you can hardly walk straight
then 
your friends dont even talk to you
perhaps
they glimpsed once or twice
but no words

oh how weak i am
i wish im not the minority
i wish im not the only one different from them
i makes me felt terribly sick
sick from hatred and anger and jealousy perhaps

sadly...
its not the very first time
:')

aku tahu aku bukan siapa-siapa
hilang aku tidak membekas
tiada aku tak bererti apa-apa
ada aku seolah halimunan
wujud aku kadang tidak dihirau
aku tak mampu nak minta empati
simpati dan kasihan mungkin cukup bagi manusia macam aku
tak tahu bersyukur


ties that binding us now
may get stronger
may get weaker
we make the choice

aku bukan kakak yang baik
juga sahabat yang mengerti
seorang yang jahil
seorang yang 'garang'
seorang yang 'emo'
entah
pada mereka-mereka yang rapat
begitu sekali tanggapannya
kenapa sampai satu ketika mereka yang lain pula yang menghargai

sometimes 
i felt like
i dont have what we call family
the family that i always used to thought i had
is just my imagination

friendship is never about who have known you the longest
its about who came and never left you alone
 when you needed someone the most

aku
masih belum mampu menafikan hak diri
kata aki
mungkin inilah proses yang Allah bagi pada aku
untuk bentuk NAFI dalam diri
alhamdulillah :')


p/s : sometimes you give up on someone not because you dont care anymore,
 but you realize, they dont.


Saturday, July 13, 2013

Something that I cant keep anymore... :'(

salam kasih dan sayang
peace upon you

seriously, entry yang menghabiskan airmata aku 
:'(


this year have been tough on me
sometimes i wondered
why and why
astaghfirullah
its Qada' and Qadar
ujian itu tanda cinta Allah
yang kadang-kadang kita susah nak faham
dan belum tercapai dek akal untuk kita faham :')


first

i really had a breakdown
when you chose to be apart
hahaha
*tetiba jadi blog kisah yang tak kesampaian
i know, its for our own good
fasa menjaga hati
afterwards
the one who couldnt go on is me
insyaallah, like what you said
ada jodoh tak ke mana
what we should do from the beginning actually is
semaikan kasih sayang yang sebenar-benarnya
 dalam hati dan dalam diri
cinta Allah dan Rasul
i will always pray for you
even though i know
there is no more
the same 'thing' we once felt
:'(


second

i chose to be with my family
sementara adikberadik yang lain gigih
mencari cinta Allah dan Rasul
melangkah ke medan tarbiyyah
if only you know
it was very devastating for me
i felt guilty
for leaving all of you
aku pun mahu bersama
menghadapi segala apa ujian dan cabaran
i was hoping very hard
that all of you will understand my situation
i too
was fighting
taking care of my mak
until that day...
16th June 2013
mak was gone
forever
al-fatihah 
:'(
quite some days before the day
she kept asking me
"bila balik?"
and i kept answering the same question all over again and again
"kalau mu balik sapa nak jaga mak...takdok orang dah nak jaga mak"
she did showed some signs
but i was blinded not to see all of that
before i go to the bus station
i kissed my mak
and i said
"mak, kita nak balik dah"
she didnt open her eyes
and she said
"mak tak larat dah..belajar la elok-elok"
the next day, when i was already in Penang
she leaved me
she leaved all of us behind
al-fatihah mak....
:'(


third

22nd June 2013
i am a sickly girl
i cant count how many times i fall sick
terribly sick when i was far away from my family
and the one who always take care of me would be 
maksu,paksu,tok and toknek
toknek
generous kind hardworking
and she too
did leave me
al-fatihah toknek
:'(


fourth

aku selalu menjadi orang terkemudian
sumpah aku tak suka!
dulu
masa mak sakit pun begitu
when did i get the news?
when shes already collapsed
last week
wednesday 
3rd July 2013
dua orang adik aku accident
mahu jatuh rasa bila dengar
walaupun biasa-biasa
they still my brothers
sedarah sedaging
maybe im at the wrong side too
i was too busy to call my family
and they took it as small matter
maaf 
:'(

aku bukan tak mahu berkongsi
tapi apa yang aku harap
kadangkala tak sama dengan apa yang aku dapat
i did tell somebody
when i still have somebody who really understand me
but then
it just in my dreams
not even a word...from those i wait for so long
itu yang buat aku kecewa
betul,
Allah Maha Mendengar
dulu
aku seorang pemendam
lalu aku berubah menjadi seorang yang suka berkongsi
kini
entah
...
setelah apa yang aku rasa
kongsi atau tidak, it felt the same.




p/s : i just hope that...im gonna be okay
no more tears accompanying me

airmata pejuang tidak boleh disia-siakan!
sollu 'alan nabiyy!


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