Saturday, July 13, 2013

Something that I cant keep anymore... :'(

salam kasih dan sayang
peace upon you

seriously, entry yang menghabiskan airmata aku 
:'(


this year have been tough on me
sometimes i wondered
why and why
astaghfirullah
its Qada' and Qadar
ujian itu tanda cinta Allah
yang kadang-kadang kita susah nak faham
dan belum tercapai dek akal untuk kita faham :')


first

i really had a breakdown
when you chose to be apart
hahaha
*tetiba jadi blog kisah yang tak kesampaian
i know, its for our own good
fasa menjaga hati
afterwards
the one who couldnt go on is me
insyaallah, like what you said
ada jodoh tak ke mana
what we should do from the beginning actually is
semaikan kasih sayang yang sebenar-benarnya
 dalam hati dan dalam diri
cinta Allah dan Rasul
i will always pray for you
even though i know
there is no more
the same 'thing' we once felt
:'(


second

i chose to be with my family
sementara adikberadik yang lain gigih
mencari cinta Allah dan Rasul
melangkah ke medan tarbiyyah
if only you know
it was very devastating for me
i felt guilty
for leaving all of you
aku pun mahu bersama
menghadapi segala apa ujian dan cabaran
i was hoping very hard
that all of you will understand my situation
i too
was fighting
taking care of my mak
until that day...
16th June 2013
mak was gone
forever
al-fatihah 
:'(
quite some days before the day
she kept asking me
"bila balik?"
and i kept answering the same question all over again and again
"kalau mu balik sapa nak jaga mak...takdok orang dah nak jaga mak"
she did showed some signs
but i was blinded not to see all of that
before i go to the bus station
i kissed my mak
and i said
"mak, kita nak balik dah"
she didnt open her eyes
and she said
"mak tak larat dah..belajar la elok-elok"
the next day, when i was already in Penang
she leaved me
she leaved all of us behind
al-fatihah mak....
:'(


third

22nd June 2013
i am a sickly girl
i cant count how many times i fall sick
terribly sick when i was far away from my family
and the one who always take care of me would be 
maksu,paksu,tok and toknek
toknek
generous kind hardworking
and she too
did leave me
al-fatihah toknek
:'(


fourth

aku selalu menjadi orang terkemudian
sumpah aku tak suka!
dulu
masa mak sakit pun begitu
when did i get the news?
when shes already collapsed
last week
wednesday 
3rd July 2013
dua orang adik aku accident
mahu jatuh rasa bila dengar
walaupun biasa-biasa
they still my brothers
sedarah sedaging
maybe im at the wrong side too
i was too busy to call my family
and they took it as small matter
maaf 
:'(

aku bukan tak mahu berkongsi
tapi apa yang aku harap
kadangkala tak sama dengan apa yang aku dapat
i did tell somebody
when i still have somebody who really understand me
but then
it just in my dreams
not even a word...from those i wait for so long
itu yang buat aku kecewa
betul,
Allah Maha Mendengar
dulu
aku seorang pemendam
lalu aku berubah menjadi seorang yang suka berkongsi
kini
entah
...
setelah apa yang aku rasa
kongsi atau tidak, it felt the same.




p/s : i just hope that...im gonna be okay
no more tears accompanying me

airmata pejuang tidak boleh disia-siakan!
sollu 'alan nabiyy!


3 comments:

  1. sabar itu indah sekali :))
    banyak2 kanlah bersabar n fighting!!! ^^

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sabarlah awak. Tuhan uji awak sebab Dia tahu awak mampu tanggung semua tu. Takziah untuk pemergian arwah mak.

    ReplyDelete

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