Something that I cant keep anymore... :'(

salam kasih dan sayang

peace upon you

seriously, entry yang menghabiskan airmata aku 

:'(

this year have been tough on me

sometimes i wondered

why and why

astaghfirullah

its Qada' and Qadar

ujian itu tanda cinta Allah

yang kadang-kadang kita susah nak faham

dan belum tercapai dek akal untuk kita faham :')

first

i really had a breakdown

when you chose to be apart

hahaha

*tetiba jadi blog kisah yang tak kesampaian

i know, its for our own good

fasa menjaga hati

afterwards

the one who couldnt go on is me

insyaallah, like what you said

ada jodoh tak ke mana

what we should do from the beginning actually is

semaikan kasih sayang yang sebenar-benarnya

 dalam hati dan dalam diri

cinta Allah dan Rasul

i will always pray for you

even though i know

there is no more

the same 'thing' we once felt

:'(

second

i chose to be with my family

sementara adikberadik yang lain gigih

mencari cinta Allah dan Rasul

melangkah ke medan tarbiyyah

if only you know

it was very devastating for me

i felt guilty

for leaving all of you

aku pun mahu bersama

menghadapi segala apa ujian dan cabaran

i was hoping very hard

that all of you will understand my situation

i too

was fighting

taking care of my mak

until that day...

16th June 2013

mak was gone

forever

al-fatihah 

:'(

quite some days before the day

she kept asking me

"bila balik?"

and i kept answering the same question all over again and again

"kalau mu balik sapa nak jaga mak...takdok orang dah nak jaga mak"

she did showed some signs

but i was blinded not to see all of that

before i go to the bus station

i kissed my mak

and i said

"mak, kita nak balik dah"

she didnt open her eyes

and she said

"mak tak larat dah..belajar la elok-elok"

the next day, when i was already in Penang

she leaved me

she leaved all of us behind

al-fatihah mak....

:'(

third

22nd June 2013

i am a sickly girl

i cant count how many times i fall sick

terribly sick when i was far away from my family

and the one who always take care of me would be 

maksu,paksu,tok and toknek

toknek

generous kind hardworking

and she too

did leave me

al-fatihah toknek

:'(

fourth

aku selalu menjadi orang terkemudian

sumpah aku tak suka!

dulu

masa mak sakit pun begitu

when did i get the news?

when shes already collapsed

last week

wednesday 

3rd July 2013

dua orang adik aku accident

mahu jatuh rasa bila dengar

walaupun biasa-biasa

they still my brothers

sedarah sedaging

maybe im at the wrong side too

i was too busy to call my family

and they took it as small matter

maaf 

:'(

aku bukan tak mahu berkongsi

tapi apa yang aku harap

kadangkala tak sama dengan apa yang aku dapat

i did tell somebody

when i still have somebody who really understand me

but then

it just in my dreams

not even a word...from those i wait for so long

itu yang buat aku kecewa

betul,

Allah Maha Mendengar

dulu

aku seorang pemendam

lalu aku berubah menjadi seorang yang suka berkongsi

kini

entah

...

setelah apa yang aku rasa

kongsi atau tidak, it felt the same.

p/s : i just hope that...im gonna be okay

no more tears accompanying me

airmata pejuang tidak boleh disia-siakan!

sollu 'alan nabiyy!