why ME???

salam sejahtera

peace upon you 

warning to people who think they are not ready to face 

such a gruesome truth

wrong way to those who don't want to know who they really are

i always think that people are cruel

*only when they gave me something that  don't want*

i always think that people are crazy

*when i know that they do know i can't do something that they gave me*

i always think that people are stupid

*when i know that they knew i already reached my limit*

but

when i read this 

Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. 

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.

( al-baqarah,216 )

the problem is

when do we remember this verse?

did it ever struck your mind when He gave you something that you don't want?

no..right?

tapi bila ada kawan yang mengadu

"beratnya ujian ini"

"susahnya hidup aku"

"sakitnya aku"

pandai pula saya dan awak semua berkata-kata

"ALAH tak turunkan ujian yang tak mampu dilakukan hamba-Nya"

bila diri sendiri terkena

tak ada nya nak ingat ayat ni!

do you dare to ask yourself again

when someone ask you to do something

before you accept what will you say?

ok?

yes?

my pleasure?

no!

you will say

"tak ada orang lain ke?"

"saya banyak kerja la"

"kalau dah takde orang lain..."

right?

...funny...

hampir semua yang baca ni

*hampir*

do said this

before this

i really hate it

when people said 

"you can do it"

"i believe in you"

"you are the best"

but i know the truth

those words are made just to sooth my mind, my heart

deep inside, i knew

i can't and i will never can't

*before this*

sometimes it felt like they said it just because

they DON'T want to do it by themselves

last time

i was forced by my classmate to enter an impromptu public speaking competition

i was representing my class

at first i was frustrated

why me???

not others?

asyik-asyik saya!

*saya sangat-sangat tak suka dengan keadaan itu, masing-masing menuding jari ke arah orang lain walaupun mereka belum memasuki mana-mana aktiviti representing the class!*

i tried to think positive

i want to increase my confidence, my self-esteem

i must dare to speak in front

onstage

and i did it!

even i only got the 5th place, from 12 if i'm not mistaken

ok la right?

for some one that seldom talk in front

and i was very thankful to them

and felt sorry too

they missed such a great opportunity

next time i must enter these kind of competition again :)

that's one of the examples

okeh, time for serious matter now

move on to other topic

what do you feel when people keep pointing their fingers to you?

and get mad when we pointed ours to them?

i felt annoyed

i felt angry

i wanted to get mad

and scold those who keep pointing their fingers to other people

*sorry to my classmates, kadang-kadang saya terluah apa yang ada dalam hati*

please and please

jangan harapkan orang lain

kalau diri sendiri rasa tak dapat buat jangan nak tunjuk-tunjuk pada orang laen

and if you think you can do it

"senang je pun...tu pun nak marah"

do volunteer yourself

frankly speaking

i do believe in myself

i often said i can

just do it

if they can, why can't me?

but

there's some matters

which i can't simply said these things

please imagine this

you have been selected to be someone, a leader in guiding people 

for example

people chose you to guide them in biology class

but you failed that subject!

of course you can't do it right?

actually

you can!

but you need time to improve yourself first

then help others

what will happen if you simply accept it and proceed?

there's two possibilities

both parties, you and them

can get better

or

can get worse

i don't want it to be like that

i don't want to be somebody that can ruin people's life

when they can get better

but because of me 

( yang masih bengkang-bengkok )

in front of them

they may be someone that they do not suppose to be

it's not good

at all!

sometimes

we think we are not qualified enough

for the thing that we being asked to do

and we know, we don't have the 'X' thing

we got confused

arrgghhh! why me???

i don't want and why it must be me??

and get stressed for the whole day, or week or month!

why don't you be optimistic?

if you think you don't have the qualification

then, improve yourself!

tapi saya dan anda tak nak itu

bukan itu yang kita nak

apa yang kita nak

lari dari tangungjawab!

how can i say NO

when i knew people expect me to say YES

kadang-kadang masalah tu jugak applied kepada mereka yang memberi dan memilih

sukar kah untuk memahami kenapa sesetengah orang menolak?

mungkin bukan kerana masalah yang ada dalam fikiran anda

don't push too hard

people may get tired and fed-up

bukan hanya saya tapi yang lain juga

penat untuk mengelak sebenarnya

untuk menerangkan apa yang ada dalam hati bukan senang

mungkin suatu hari nanti

bila saya berkeyakinan yang saya mampu

i just need time to say that

p/s : maaf kepada mereka saya yang berasa saya mampu, saya masih belum yakin ditambah dengan masalah komitmen...( to sesetengah orang )